Twilight Summarized
by CyanideMangoOfMassDestruction
Summary: What the title says.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight Summarized**

Edward Cullen walked into Biology class one day. He had orange hair that had likely been cut with a weed whacker, yellow or black eyes depending on whether or not he was grouchy that day, and his whole body... sparkled. A plain looking girl (emphasis on PLAIN) ran and threw her arms around him. "I LOVE YOU!"

"I KNOW! I LOVE YOU TOO, BELLA! YOU SMELL GOOD!"

"THANKS! YOUR SPARKLES ARE HAWT!"

For some reason, even though she was plain looking, all of the guys in the class looked at Bella wistfully and tried to ask her to prom, which made Edward fall over laughing.

**Later that day:**

Edward and Bella meet in a clearing in the forest. Edward impresses her by running around in circles in the clearing. Then he listens to her heart. "Your heart sounds nice."

"OMG THANKS!"

Then he looks deep into her eyes and says, "Nooo! I can't be with you! I might eat you by accident!"

"Oh, that's okay! You're so CUTE when you eat stuff!"

Then he kisses her for two hours. Suddenly, it starts raining. So she gets on his back and Edward runs to Forks and drops her off at her house.

Then they get on the porch and Edward kisses her again. Then she gets sparkles all over her and when she goes to school the next day, Jacob sees, so he gets jealous and roars, "I'M GOING TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF AGAIN!" So he rips his shirt off and Bella is impressed, even though he's 15 and she's nearly 18.

That night, Edward takes Bella to play baseball. She sits and watches in awe as they break bats. "OMG YOU'RE SO STRONG! SQUEEEEE!"

Then evil vampires arrive and try to eat Bella because she smells good. So Edward leaves because it's not safe and the evil vampire almost kills Bella in a ballet studio but he doesn't . Then Edward arrives just in time to dramatically save her. What a shame.

**Please review. And read my other story. I'll post a chapter about the prom when I finish writing it. (EDIT  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the prom chapter, which I realized I forgot. So it deserves its own chapter.**

Prom

"Where are you taking me?" I'm gonna trip in these high heels! Where's Edward?" Bella hid under the piano in the Cullen's house. She wore a psychotically sparkly pink dress and so much makeup that she looked demented, but looking demented was pretty ordinary for her.

"We aren't taking you anywhere, but Edward is! He's on his way over."

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Tell me now! Why do I have to wear this prom dress and all this makeup and high heels?"

"Oh look, here comes Edward," said Esme, who was looking out the window because anything was better than looking at Bella's… plunging neckline.

"YAY!" said Bella as Edward pulled up in Rosalie's new red convertible. He had a tuxedo that was far too tight so that he could show off his 'muscles.'

"HELLO, EVERYBODY!" He waved like he was Miss America. "I'M HERE TO PICK UP MY SWEET BELLA!"

"OH, EDDIKINS, YOU LOOK CHARMING!" Bella gushed.

"OMG THANKS! ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT GONNA TRIP IN THOSE HIGH HEELS?"

"NO! BUT YOU'LL CATCH ME IF I FALL!" She whacked her head on the bottom of the piano as she came out of hiding.

"YEAH! LET'S GO!"

So they hopped into Rosalie's new car and drove off into the exhaust fumes.

"If there's so much as a SCRATCH on my new convertible, you're DEAD!" screamed Rosalie as Edward ran over a stop sign.

"Calm down, Pumpkin. He's already dead."

"Oh, yes."

As Edward and Bella stopped at a green light, Edward's fake BlackBerry rang. It was Tyler, one of the many other guys who loved Bella.

"HI! No, sorry! She's going with ME! MWEHEEHEEHEEHEE! SUCKER!" He hung up.

"Sparklepops? Where am I going with you?" Man, how Edward hated that nickname.

"Isn't it glaringly obvious, darling?" He frowned like he was finally starting to doubt Bella's intelligence, but then he just shrugged and screeched, "WE'RE GOING TO PROM! YAY!"

Bella burst into tears. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Edward felt very confused. Why would anybody be less than thrilled to go to the prom with a vampire as hot as himself? "Why are you crying? Don't cry! You'll ruin all your pretty makeup!"

"Because I'm sad! And mad!"

"Don't be! Do it for ME!"

Bella's heart melted like he chocolates she left in the car in direct sunlight yesterday. They had been intended to be his gift today, but… yeah. "Okay!"

But when they arrived at the school's parking lot, Bella pouted and refused to get out of the car. Well, until Edward dragged her out. Then it was all good until Edward wanted to dance.

"NOOOOOOOO! I REALLY can't dance, Eddie!"

"But I can! YAY!"

So they danced passionately until Jacob arrived. He was too cool for a tux (or a shirt) so he wore khaki shorts and pink flip flops. He insisted upon dancing with Bella.

"Wow, Jakey, you've gotten tall!"

"Yeah…" he murmured as he used his new height to stare down the front of her dress. "Guess what? My dad says to tell you that WE'LL BE WATCHING! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Then he ran away, cackling maniacally.

Edward skipped over and grabbed Bella's hand. "Let's go outside!"

So he dragged her outside and pretended that he was going to bite her. "HAHA! PSYCH!" Then he ran away laughing maniacally.

THE END

** Thanks for reading! I may start another one about New Moon. If you guys want me to, and if I can finish reading the book. It's quite painful. Or if someone can give me a very detailed summary of it? That would help.**

**-Gerby**


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